A Yes/No/Maybe list sounds like homework. It isn’t. Done right, it takes fifteen minutes and turns a vague, nerve-wracking conversation into an easy, almost fun one.
The 15-minute version
Find any list of kinks and interests online (there are plenty of free templates). Set a timer for fifteen minutes. Go down the list solo and mark each item yes, no, or maybe — don’t overthink any single line. Gut reaction only.
Then debrief together
Compare lists and only talk through the items where you both said yes or maybe. Skip the no’s entirely — there’s no need to explain or defend a no, ever. This step usually takes ten to fifteen minutes and often turns into the best conversation you’ve had about sex in a while.
A few ground rules
- “Maybe” means genuinely maybe — not a polite no
- Lists change. Revisit every few months, not just once
- A yes on paper isn’t consent in the moment — it’s just information for a future conversation
The point isn’t a perfect shared list. It’s a low-stakes way to learn what’s actually on each other’s minds.
